Thankfully after a good nights sleep, I woke up feeling slightly more human. Not back to normal but at least less miserable. I also finally listened to the doctor and upped my medication. I have had a horrible couple of days and do not want to repeat that.

I watched more of the hole digging again (no change from yesterday) and finally got out of bed properly. I say properly. I made it to the couch. I am not convinced that would have happened either without the maid coming in and making me. But I did it.

Soon enough it was 1pm and time for today’s Spanish class. I was super impressed that I had remembered all the stuff from the day before. I know this because the first module of the next lesson is going over everything! Then they added new stuff:

Delicioso = Delicious
Extraordinario = Extraordinary
Precioso = Beautiful
Para mí = For me/I think (depending on usage)

Once again, I am super proud of myself as I have just typed these without checking my notes! I really struggled with “precioso” for some reason. I don’t know why. It’s one of the more simple ones. But for whatever reason, it just didn’t stick. If there was a camera in my house then people would have thought I was ready to be certified! I spent large chunks of the day walking around trying to prounounce it properly. I think I’ve got it now. At least I can spell it.

I was helped by Mum, of course. We went back over the whole days lesson and agreed that we would do the same tomorrow or until we got the hang of it. This is the blessing of doing an online course. You can take it at your own pace.

Dinner was an experiment. I had some beef strips in the fridge. I wanted to have something creamy, but didn’t have sour cream or actual cream. I need to make a better shopping list for the coming week! Anyway, I did have milk and cheese so I got there in the end. I have no clue what to call it so am not bothering. I doubt I would remember what I had done anyway!

The rest of the evening was spent trying to pronounce “precioso” and talking to people on WhatsApp. This however also caused a few issues. I managed to wind myself up hugely about Corona virus. Badly. I ended up on the verge of another panic attack. I have had enough of those for the time being. I took one of the new tablets the doctor had prescribed for just such an eventiality.

I have no clue what they are called, but they are now “the lovely floaty pills”! It took about 20 mins or so, but when they kicked in they were amazing. All the stress just melted away and gave me a lovely floaty feeling, hence the name.

I am not advocating for continual drug usage. Far from it. It took me up until my breakdown to even think about taking anything. I now at least recognise that I need help and I am not ashamed of that. There is only so much a human can take and I really got pushed past that point. So now I need help and I will take it whenever I need it. I can’t afford therapy so this is the next best thing.

Anyway, that’s enough of my rambling. I really hope that something exciting happens soon or this is going to be the most boring journal ever.

Much love, and stay safe xx