I worked out the other day that in less than 12 weeks, I will be sat on my Mum’s sofa with the dog, a tub of Heroes/Quality Street or another type of Christmas treat, watching a Hallmark movie with my Mum, who is incapable of sitting for a whole film, pottering around half paying attention.  I cannot tell you the level of joy that this image creates for me. 

It’s been 2 very long years since I was back home and it is not something I would ever like to experience again.  I know I am privileged to have been afforded the opportunity to be able to visit home as often as I have, but it is my normal so removing the twice yearly trips to get rained on is just a really hard thing to have had to deal with.  Not to mention trying to cope when there has been so much going on which you would typically need family support for.

Mum and I have incredible plans already.  A mix of her delicious cooking which I have missed hugely, some nice restaurants I have missed, some fun arts and crafts for when the kids are allowed to come over and play, and a lot of time sitting around and just being, having conversations about nothing, and watching the world go by.

This all sounds rather idyllic.  The flights are booked.  The PCR test centres are located.  The extra masks and sanitizers for the flights are already purchased.  I am beyond ready!

Mentally.

Physically… I may need help.

I am fatter than I have ever been.  While I don’t mind being curvy and am happy with the fact I will never actually be society’s version of slim, this new level of chub is taking it a little far for me.  I gained a few (cough, cough) kilos over the last 2 years.  I think probably because I didn’t have the fear of a plane ride to jam my rather ample backside into a tiny seat for.  But I’m now facing that reality again and it’s terrifying, despite having accumulated enough points to upgrade to business.  You just can’t guarantee there will be the availability!

Time to start planning “Operation Get On A Plane”!

(She says as she finishes off a lovely box of truffles she was gifted following a fancy lunch with her boss of creamy saffron pasta and tiger prawns.  Sigh.)

With the flight fear kicking in hard and fast, I took a leap of enormous proportions, admitted I may have a little food issue currently, and rejoined Slimming World.  I know that there is a lot of negativity surrounding slimming clubs, but I need the structure.  I also need the financial incentive of knowing I would be wasting money so to stop me being a complete idiot.  I also need ideas on how to cook without lashings of butter (damn you James Martin and Paula Deen) or, well, to be honest… how to cook without giving it up as a hard work idea and ordering another take away.

I don’t entirely understand how it works but I have paid my 3 months fees and will spend the foreseeable future reading through all the literature.  I will then start to get obsessive about looking for recipes, buying alllll the herbs and spices, ordering cute pots to put them in, and feeling like Nigella in waiting.  I rarely cook all the delicious things but I do think about them before making something plain and boring!

As you can see, this is not my first rodeo.

I do however plan to try and shake things up with “Body Magic” this time around though.  This is basically SW’s polite way of saying ‘moving your fat ass off the couch’!  I have signed up for their Bronze challenge and am ready to go.  Tomorrow, of course!  I’m a sucker for a certificate, as you all know, and so I figured I would start at the easy of the three challenges.  All I have to do is do 45 minutes of exercise per week, spread across 3 days.  I am a little embarrassed to say that I have no achieved this in the past.  But onwards and upwards, as they say.

I do already have a personal trainer which will make these goals easier.  He isn’t the most reliable of beings, at all, but if he does manage to start turning up then I will have three days a week of one hour lifting (low) weights in the gym each week therefore smashing my targets! 

The way he trains is a little different to others I have been with in the past, and it works better for me.  His theory is that he won’t put me on the cardio type machines as I am perfectly capable of doing that in my own time.  His hour is for pushing me harder and with things that aren’t as easy as walking.  I mean, I hate to break it to him that walking on the treadmill isn’t as easy as people think as it requires a great deal more coordination than I appear to possess.  Equally, I don’t have the coordination for free weights either, so it is indeed a challenge.

I also plan to start to walk to and from (or at least from) work each day.  The weather has started to cool down significantly and we are entering into the human side of the calendar now.  The devilish heat has started to abate and while it’s still in the mid-high 30s, that is at least much cooler than the +50c it reaches in the summer months.

And finally, because once again I am throwing myself into something with everything I can and hoping to swim and not sink, my neighbour and I are taking up salsa dancing.  We had our introductory class this weekend and it was super fun! 

I actually hadn’t realised how much I missed dance.  With no classes for years and then no drunken attempts at dancing since pre-Covid, I have been living a dance free existence.  This is just not me.  My soul was quietened with the Latin beats and the dance moves that I surprisingly remember from all those years ago in Bermuda.  My heart may have been close to exploding from all the physical exertion but also because it was so happy.  My lungs, however, may take a while to forgive me.  Nevermind!

Now, I can hear you are all very worried about how this is going to play in with my plans for Expo’s food adventures.  I have to say, it is a little on my mind too.  I have mulled it over and think there is only one way forward – well technically two.

Firstly, I will only allow myself to go on days where I have participated in pre-work Body Magic.  It doesn’t matter what that is as long as it is a minimum of 30 minutes.

Secondly, on those days, I will have to have a very clean eating day so that any ‘syns’ can be used in the random bits and bobs I will be eating and drinking. 

Let’s be honest.  I am never going to be one of those assholes that cuts off all form of socialising and enjoyment from their lives just to fit in a pair of jeans easily.  Life is far too short and in this instance, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to enjoy an event of this kind.  I am not going to stop doing that because I need to control what I shove into my fat face on a regular basis.  I just need to find balance, and I think the two points above will assist with that.  There are days when it will be an epic fail too, but as long as I manage to limit those then it will work out just fine!

So that’s a brief little update on that.  I half wanted to brag about having awesome plane but I did also need to confess so that someone other than me knows what I am upto.  Hopefully it will make me a little more accountable.

Wish me luck!

P.S Photo because it’s an ace one of me!  I am still ridiculously photogenic so it’s unlikely you will ever see a one where I look the size of an elephant which is close to my current state.